Sunday, June 24, 2007

Incontinent Vikings

incontinent (adjective) Lacking normal voluntary control of excretory functions.

Yesterday I wrote that " . . I run around tooting like an incontinent Viking". While I was taking a shower, I thought:

"That's a pretty neat simile. How cool would it be if someone came to my Blog after doing a search for 'incontinent Vikings'?"

Then I wondered what a Google search for incontinent Vikings would look like. What kind of results would you get? Would there be an incontinent Viking home page? An incontinent Vikings Blog? An incontinent Viking fan club? An incontinent Vikings support group? Mothers of Incontinent Vikings? How about An incontinent Vikings Anonymous? Would my Blog entry be at the top of the list? Then and there I decided I had to know. Any time I do any sort of search on Google, I usually end up with a billion or more results, even for some of the most arcane and unlikely searches. I figured that there must be, oh, maybe a hundred million or more results for what I was looking for.

So the first thing I did when I got to the internet cafe today was to do the search, and see what I came up with. Unfortunately, the results are disappointing. Even though Google came up with 21,600 hits, none of them are really relevant, or what I was hoping for. Even worse, none of them reference my Blog!

I got a little frustrated that there wasn't anything more interesting, that there wasn't a clan of Incontinent Vikings running around in Warcraft, or mucking about and causing all sorts of havoc in Secondlife. If I had the time, an Internet connection, and the ability to mess around with these things, I might just start the "Clan of the Incontinent Viking". I mean, really, what is wrong with people nowadays?

The only interesting result was this rather odd Wikipedia entry on"The Saga of Bjorn".

The most interesting results came when, after becoming morbidly depressed after seeing such dismal results, I did a search for "Viking sh**" on Google images, and came up with 37,500 results, considerably more than my first search. That at least lead me to this interesting article, which has a picture of some real Viking sh**.

It seems that there is a museum in England that has some fossilized Viking feces as one of its major exhibits. I kid you not. You don't believe me, look at the picture. It seems like it got broken, and now they have to glue it back together. Again, I kid you not.

Oh sure, there are plenty of scatological references to the Minnesota Vikings football team. Oh Well! I got to go. The wife is hungry, correction- she says very hungry, and needs to eat NOW!

Thst means I have to leave this article as it is, as a rough first draft. If I had more time, I would rework it, make it funier, change things around, delete other things, etc. I guess I'll just have to leave it, mistakes and all, and go feed my Babies- the big baby, and the little baby!