John's Universe: The 101 Best Things George Carlin Ever Said and More

I remember seeing George Carlin on TV as a kid in the sixties. When I first saw him, I was too young to appreciate his humor, as it had to do with contemporary issues, and things I was too young to be aware of. As I matured, and read the newspapers, I realized he got a lot funnier. When I was in sixth grade, someone brought in his record, "Seven Dirty Words You Can't Say on TV". We were surprised when the teacher played it, and we laughed so much we were crying and our stomachs hurt.

I'm not saying that I now I am over 40, I think everything the man says is funny. What I admire about him is that he approaches the pertinent issues of the day with humor, with an edgy persona, and a tongue sharp as a straight razor. He seems to always come out with some zingers that make you laugh, and stay with you, because they have that bright ring of truth around them.

I recently found this website with a list of the "101 Greatest George Carlin Quotes".
Here are some of my favorites:

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

If your looking for some more of George Carlin's humor, here's another pretty good website, dealing more with his interviews and routines.