Sunday, June 3, 2007

Another Wondrous Day

The other day was another wondrous day. It was of those small little triumphs of life that don't mean much to anyone else, eliciting nothing more than a polite, "That's nice", when you tell them about it. Yet if it happens to you, then your whole world changes, and your life perspective will never be the same.

Trien and I were lazing around on the futon. She was getting some rest, while I was watching tv.
She started laughing, and turned over and faced me. There was a bemused smile on her face.

"What's happening, Baby?"

"Our daughter is playing again."

She looked down at her tummy, and rubbed it softly in a circular motion.

"Here, let me feel."

She removed her hand, and I replaced it with mine. Nothing happened.

Trien looked down at her tummy, both puzzled, and amused.

"You move for Daddy, Baby," she said to her tummy.

Again, nothing happened, I looked at her, and she smirked at me and shrugged.

Then it happened. I felt a sharp little poke right under my hand. I had felt the baby move before, but this was different. Before when the baby moved, it just felt like the ripples made when you throw a pebble into the water. There was evidence of life, but nothing tangible. This time, for the first time, I felt something solid. There was contact between me, and the life living and growing in my wife's womb. Solid flesh and bone had moved under my hand, a little elbow or a hand. It made contact with me. It made contact not just with my hand, but also something deep within my inner being, the purest essence of what I am.

I looked up at Trien, and she smiled at me like a proud Angel.

"I felt her! I really felt her this time!"

"I know, Honey."

"You get to feel her all the time, but this is the first time I could really feel her move! I could feel her bones beneath my hand!"

I kissed her. My hand stayed there for a couple more minutes, but there was no more movement. I took it away, and kissed my wife, and looked into her eyes. By now my eyes were tearing over.

I thanked her, and held her, and felt more love for her than I ever had before.

There was a life inside her that we had made together. Sure, I had seen the ultrasound scans from the very beginning, watched her develop and grow, and felt the tiny little pulsations of life. This was the first time I actually felt the evidence of life in my physical being, and from my physical being to my soul.

The little life inside of her is living and growing and developing. With God's blessing, I will not leave this world without leaving a small piece of myself behind, a dream of hope for a better world. A dream that she will make a difference in this world, even if just in a small way. A dream for my daughter of a better life than I've ever known, in a better world.

I told Trien this morning that this is the most beautiful gift she could ever give me. Nothing could ever be greater than the gift of life which is growing inside of her now. What better way could she show her love for me, than to nurture the life within her, and give birth to our baby?

Like I said, when you tell other people about it, they respond politely, just the way they should. When it happens to you? There's nothing else in the world like it. It gives my life palpable meaning that it didn't have before. There is reason for my existence - a little life is depending on me.

There will be more of these little triumphs of life in the months to come. My life can never be the same as it was.

Praise God!