Monday, June 4, 2007

The Difference Between My Wife and a Typical American Wife

(Scene: Late at night, the kitchen of a third floor walkup apartment. A wife is scraping a plate into an overloaded garbage can. In order to take out the trash, you have to go downstairs and walk about 75 yards to a dumpster past the entrance to the complex.)

Typical American Household:

(Screaming at her husband) Hey! Get off your butt and take the garbage out! How many times do I have to tell you that? I'm not your maid! I feel like a broken record already!

My House:

(Scene: The same, except located in Taiping, Malaysia. Trien peels a banana, and opens the garbage can to throw out the peel.)

My Wife: We forgot to take the trash out. We have to take it out tomorrow when we go to the market.

(The Next Morning)

Typical American Household

(Scene: The Kitchen. The garbage is still sitting there, because her husband has forgotten to take the garbage out of the can and bring it downstairs.)

Wife: What! It's still here!!!
(She lets out a bloodcurdling scream. She then takes an Uzi from the closet, and empties a clip into her husband. Later, at the trial, she claims mitigating circumstances. Because of her husbands constant forgetfulness in taking out the garbage, she claims mental anguish, cruel and unusual punishment, and spousal abuse, and gets off with a suspended sentence. She then makes millions from the book and film rights, and buys a house with a garbage disposal.)

My House:

(Scene: The next morning. There are two bags of garbage neatly tied and sitting outside the apartment door. I walk outside to put on my shoes, while my wife finishes getting ready.)

My Wife: Honey, please will you take one of the bags down to the dumpster? I'll take the other one.

Me: Don't worry baby, I got them both. You just take yourself downstairs.

My Wife: Thank you, Honey. I'll be right down.

(I walk outside, throw the bags in the trash, and wait for her. She walks to the dumpster, and throws in an old broken umbrella. We then hold hands, and walk to the market together. Later on I write a little humorous piece in my Blog about what a great wife Trien is.)

The End